I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
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