My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
