we have pet lesbian snakes
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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