I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
