My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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