She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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