I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
