I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
