He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
