I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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