Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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