My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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