I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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