i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
