You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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