Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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