So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
