May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
