the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
