life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
