hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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