I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
