We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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