Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Randomize
