I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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