She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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