She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
