I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
