I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
