puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
My butt remains clenched, sir.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
