I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
