trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
