I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
