I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
