So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
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so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
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The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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