I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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