sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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