i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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