i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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