And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
How drunk are you?
Completed.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
