apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
