apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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