yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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