omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
