yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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