i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
