Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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