You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
