If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
