so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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