Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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