I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
