But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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