Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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