Non-Jews are for practice
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
why do cheetos always look like penises
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
