I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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