Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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