maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
