My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
