my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
