New low: just hacked my moms facebook
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
