If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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