you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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