Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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