i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
