do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
