Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
