Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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