I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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