I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
You took a bar mat shot.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
