it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
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