Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
