Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
