also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
