soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
