i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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