It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
