You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
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I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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