Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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